Max Ritvo

GIVING HER 100%
April 25, 2017 Ritvo Max

GIVING HER 100%         

              for my best friend, my protector, my mom

 

There is a world where

all of a son’s battles

are fought by his mother

and in this world

I am one of the great Heroes.

 

In immaculate black boots

and a war-girdle of linen

she stakes herself in the front lines.

 

She wields a sorcery stick that calls

bladed chariots, supply caravans, and tornadoes

from over the horizon,

and she’s had just about enough of your nonsense.

 

Don’t give her that lip.

My mother only accepts commands

from battle itself—

and her allies, dazzled by the purity,

the sincerity, the adoration

with which she gazes into Danger’s eyes,

accept her hand to kiss.

 

And remember: before you try to tell her

that she’s overvaluing me,

wasting her time on this enterprise,

and wouldn’t she be better off

cutting her losses, finding a new, healthier champion?

My mother signs my name

in the blood of my enemies

and refers to this as her only contract.

 

Unfortunately, in another world,

Mothers don’t fight the battles

of their sons,

they have their cancers.

 

In this world, Mother does not fight,

but counts alone.

 

I see you over there,

dark bead threaded on a string of fire,

 

I see you, running a black abacus

as water drips on your head

from the ceiling on a dry day,

a large pool forming at your feet.

 

When you held me up

from the waters—

a flexing, thrashing 100%,

glowing white in your palms,

 

how strong I must’ve looked

as the waters receded,

like I could’ve lived just as easy

on air, or water, or blood—(and in fact,

had lived on all three of yours.)

 

And how sad to have watched

97%,

 

73%, and then

the blinking and flashing,

 

that unhealthy spot near my tail—

the decimal—44.2%

 

And more decimals making me code

that runs a program for a receipt-generating machine,

 

and an infinite ribbon of paper

making you scribble out your sadness

to confirm your receipt of child

 

and in the blinking, colorless increase,

impossible to attend to

a crying boy

you put in a basket of reeds

 

to secure him through this

white river’s growth:

 

I will weather this storm—I promise

I can feel you up there counting,

 

and I know that if I am too weak—

you’ll prop me up on your hands

like when I was a baby,

and you’ll let me count,

but I’ll be counting on you.

 

*Notes/Names  from and of other mothers who lost children to Ewing Sarcoma, as Max did.

Brian and Nancy Strub: Our son Nick died of Ewing’s sarcoma in 2011.  We established the Nick Teddy Foundation in his name, supporting local patients and partnering with 1 Million 4 Anna on research funding.

Dana Wood

Elisa Levant Beaver

Lorna MacKinnon Day

Neyla Bakai Menache

Julie Rundle

Carol Redford Basso

Janet Crowley

Kay Horn Curry

 

My name is Krista Quinn and my daughter, Kori, passed away after a long battle with Ewing’s Sarcoma.  Kori Elizabeth Quinn 7-8-95 to 2-11-14

MAX RITVO (1990-2016) wrote FOUR INCARNATIONS in New York and Los Angeles over the course of a long battle with cancer; it was published in September 2016 ny Milkweed Editions.  He was also the author of the chapbook AEONS, chosen by Jean Valentine to receive the Poetry Society of America Chapbook Fellowship in 2014. Ritvo’s poetry has appeared in the New Yorker, Poetry, and the Boston Review, and as a Poem-a-Day for Poets.org. His prose and interviews have appeared in publications such as Lit Hub, Huffington Post, and the Los Angeles Review of Books.