ALL THE BOYS
my face is old now
crinkles like permanent sleep lines
I suppose I am getting ready
for that ultimate slumber
still I like to feel the bed sheets
against my legs
imagine someone grabbing hold
of my ankles working their way up
so the pain in my hip
is erased by pleasure
so my stiff neck melts like butter
and I am calling out a name
thinking of all the men
I said no to because I was already taken
the Japanese student a foot taller than I
whose chest was smooth muscle
I told him I had a steady boyfriend
and thought myself a heroine
of my own self-righteous story
then came the man who wore costume horns
as he rang my doorbell because he read my line
“I want a boyfriend with antlers”
I shied away because he was too eager
and I didn’t like his glasses
though I didn’t even have a boyfriend that year
I put off the married dude
because all I could picture was a wife
in an apron chasing me with a rolling pin
he was going to sleep with someone anyway
so he slept with my friend
it was that kind of night when you go out
with the specific goal of meeting a stranger
like the guy with whom I slow danced
for over an hour before making out with him
on the back steps until I sobered up
and said I can’t and he called me
a bitch and a cock tease
he was like a car that went from 0 to 90
from desire to rage
and I always hated that song
‘To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before”
which seems so patronizing and silly
and yet here I am tonight
humming along with Julio and Willie
my fingers are so slippery
with you in me
with me in you
perhaps I should take off my rings
