Alexis Rhone Fancher

When My Son Is Dead 14 Years

These are the years I bargain with God.
Nights, I sit by the door, light the dark.
It’s winter; dusk falls by 6pm.
I find I cope better in the light.

Nights, I sit by the door, light the dark.
Slip on his letterman jacket in the closet.
I cope better in the light.
The jacket still smells like my boy.

I slip on his letterman jacket in the closet.
He was so proud of making the team.
The jacket still smells like my boy.
I’d forgotten how tall he was. Such long arms.

He was so proud of making the team.
I look for his face on the street, in the clouds.
I’d forgotten how tall he was. Such long arms.
Maybe one day I’ll stop torturing myself.

I look for his face on the street, in the clouds.
It’s winter; dusk falls by 6pm.
One day I’ll stop torturing myself.
These are the years I bargain with God.

Author: Alexis Rhone Fancher

Poet/photographer Alexis Rhone Fancher is published in Best American Poetry, Rattle, The American Journal of Poetry, Spillway, Plume, Diode,The Pedestal Magazine, Duende, Vox Populi, Gargoyle, Elysium Review, and elsewhere. Her photos are published worldwide. She’s authored ten poetry collections, most recently, TRIGGERED, (MacQueens) and BRAZEN. (NYQ). A coffee table book of over 100 of Alexis’ photographs of Southern California poets will be published by Moon Tide Press in early 2025. She calls the Mojave Desert home.
www.alexisrhonefancher.com

Plume: Issue #134 October 2022