Alexis Rhone Fancher

When My Son Is Dead 14 Years
September 22, 2022 Rhone Fancher Alexis

When My Son Is Dead 14 Years

 

These are the years I bargain with God.
Nights, I sit by the door, light the dark.
It’s winter; dusk falls by 6pm.
I find I cope better in the light.

 

Nights, I sit by the door, light the dark.
Slip on his letterman jacket in the closet.
I cope better in the light.
The jacket still smells like my boy.

 

I slip on his letterman jacket in the closet.
He was so proud of making the team.
The jacket still smells like my boy.
I’d forgotten how tall he was. Such long arms.

 

He was so proud of making the team.
I look for his face on the street, in the clouds.
I’d forgotten how tall he was. Such long arms.
Maybe one day I’ll stop torturing myself.

 

I look for his face on the street, in the clouds.
It’s winter; dusk falls by 6pm.
One day I’ll stop torturing myself.
These are the years I bargain with God.

Alexis Rhone Fancher has authored seven collections, including The Dead Kid Poems (KYSO
Flash Press) and Junkie Wife (Moon Tide Press). EROTIC:New & Selected, from New York Quarterly, dropped in March, 2021. She’s published in Best American Poetry, SWWIM, Nasty Women Poets, Cleaver, Diode, The American Journal of Poetry, The Pedestal Magazine,Gargoyle, Plume, Spillway, and elsewhere. Her photos are published world-wide. Alexis is poetry editor of Cultural Daily. She and her husband live and frolic in Los Angeles, CA. Find her at www.alexisrhonefancher.com